If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
