You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
