Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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