R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
