i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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