How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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