Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
