She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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