Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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