Screwed.edu
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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