I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
