yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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