i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I deserve this hangover.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
