I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
