Swine flu is the new snow day.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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