You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
