Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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