i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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