Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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