Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
