Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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