Just cropdusted the office
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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