being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
