How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
