420 ftw
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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