words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
