The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
