I think I am morally bankrupt
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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