his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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