Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
