Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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