i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
