So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
