Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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