I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
