booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
