i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
