The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
