She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Dear god my vagina.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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