I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
