My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You can't just leave with hair like that
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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