if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
