Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
