Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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