I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
