You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
