I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
What a dumb baby whore.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
