Do you still have your period?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
