I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
