she was so not down for the gang bang
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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