its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
