Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Let's get the cat blown out
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
