He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
