ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
