Swine flu. Run for my life!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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