Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
