Me. At least after what I've been through.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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