you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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